There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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