my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
