Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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