My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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