the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
