Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
