What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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