U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
