so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
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