some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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