I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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