I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We have started to decorate penises.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You are the jesus of drinking
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
