I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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