twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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