This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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