i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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