That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
