I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
