do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
