dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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