he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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