He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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