my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
