You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize