If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
