I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
