I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
