Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
