70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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