i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
