I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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