I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
