Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize