i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I will pee on everything he values.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
