He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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