I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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