dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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