I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize