I CAN MOONWALK!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize