worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
