fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
