i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
