i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
