u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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