Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My pussy is not your playground.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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