Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
