So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
