my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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