my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
