Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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