i wish my penis had a tongue
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
