Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My penis needs a shock collar
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
