I hate all girls vehemently.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
