i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
