peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
