i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
