Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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