i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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