I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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