If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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