I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Your cock deserves a montage
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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