It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
