The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
