Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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