There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize