Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
