The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
