i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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