So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
