i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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