Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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