we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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