guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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