dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize