I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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