In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize