pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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