u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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