That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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