where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
