my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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