R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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