There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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