I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
