It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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