I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
