oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
