You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
