Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
