hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
