i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
