Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
