Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i believe in u and ur pee
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
