We won't sleep together?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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