Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
