You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
