I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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