I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
