i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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