"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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