Your mouth is God's brothel.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
