New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
