You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
